You go to use the bathroom right after your husband and you get so mad because he didn’t put on a new roll of toilet paper when it ran out. You see hubby walk right passed a sock on the floor that he didn’t even bother to pick up and put in the dirty clothes hamper. You are planning a summer vacation and when you talk to hubby about it, his reaction was not exactly enthusiastic. Yes, all these are trivial matters in the grand scheme of things, but have the power to incite BIG MARITAL WARS.
“Your glorying is not good, Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?” I Corinthians 5:6
On the surface it may seem like our husbands don’t think or worry about the things we do, almost like they don’t care. But guess what, they actually feel the same way about us sometimes too. Why??? Simply put, because a man cannot think or worry like a woman nor can a woman think or worry like a man; we may be one but still different. The Most High does everything decently and in order (I Corinthians 14:40). He gave men and women different burdens. We each worry about different things. Different, but each needful.
“For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office.” Romans 12:4.
AND YES, HE DOES CARE ABOUT PLEASING YOU, JUST LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT PLEASING HIM.
“33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34…but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” I Corinthians 7:33-34
This is not to say that women don’t worry about the spiritual things, because we do otherwise we could never be Proverbs 31 women. But the cares of this world like doing laundry, cooking dinner, changing diapers, checking homework, planning fun things for the family, and dashing to the grocery store when the milk runs out can sometimes consume lots of our time. Men worry about these things sometimes too, but it’s definitely not at the forefront of their minds. Their first worries are more focused around the spiritual and physical health of their family, how he will help build the Nation of Israel, constantly studying to be able to abound in the Word and teach his family and the nation, about having a job that will help keep a roof over his family’s head, praying for the sick, the downcast, and the oppressed, counseling those that need spiritual guidance, being a constant, righteous example for all. As a wife of an elder, I have personally witnessed the physical and spiritual toll my husband’s position can have on him. I may never completely understand his calling, but I know it is a HUGE responsibility and one that I am most definitely not equipped to handle.
We each have our own burdens. We each have a great responsibility to persevere. We each have a responsibility to help one another.
“4 Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 11 But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will. 12 For as the body is one, hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.” I Corinthians 12:4, 11, 12.
As a person who worries a lot, I do find it comforting (and I know this sounds a bit selfish) to occasionally lift up my eyes and know that my husband is also worrying. We don’t have to judge each other as to why the other doesn’t understand what we worry about, instead we can help each other worry less simply by respecting each other’s burdens and giving each other room to breathe. I am my own person. He is his. We two, in our differences, compliment each other and temper the anxieties of the flesh that we are commanded to overcome. We are ONE together in allowing each to think, act and carry out our own duties as who we were created to be…one as a woman and one as a man.
“3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” Philippians 2:3-4.
My husband may not notice what I notice all the time because he is busy noticing different things that I hadn’t even considered. He carries around a mountain of anxiety just like I do, but it is not the same, and that is a great gift, a blessing, a providential grace. I complete him and he completes me. My burdens help him do his job and his burdens help me do my job.
“2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2.
“4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. 5 For every man shall bear his own burden.” Galatians 6:4-5
When we are small-minded and stressed out, when strained by work and the harshness of trying to survive this world, when male and female misunderstandings succumb us, and when we are frustrated with unmet expectations and loneliness, there is a right way to unburden ourselves. And it’s not by foisting our frustrations at our husband sitting across the dinner table and blaming him for not meeting our needs and desires. First take a big breath and breathe out slowly. Remember what the goal is…salvation. Pray to the Most High and Christ first. They understand all men, certainly. But they also understand all women, not as a man understands a woman or vice versa—which is not very well—but as the Most High and Christ understand the person they created, which is perfectly.
“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalms 55:22
If he remembers to change the toilet paper roll or pick up the sock from off the floor even though it’s not his, that’s great, but if he doesn’t remember, don’t get bent out of shape. Remind him patiently. And he will do the same for you when you haven’t been perfect about understanding many things spiritual as easily as he may.
Stop wanting him to think like a woman and remember you can’t think like a man. Let us be ONE and beautified in us thinking in the manner in which we were created.
“Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.” Philippians 2:2.